A Coming Out Story

Note: The following writing is not written by any of the primary authors of Our Closet Door and may or may not reflect our beliefs.

"ok so this is my coming out story, my first experience was when i was in 7th grade i had relations with this guy, but i thought i was still straight, welll i kept talking to this boy, and then i knew i was bisexual. i felt as if my life was over because my parents did not agree with me being "bi". i kept my sexuality a secret until one day i was texting this guy who my sister had said was bisexual and i uhmm told him i wanted to kiss him, well my sister was told by him and she told my dad. my dad questioned me about it and i said yes, he said that they would try to heal me, at first i was ok with it cause i thought that all lgbtq people go to hell, i was ok with it for a while. well for some reason rumors spread and more people started to hear about my , dad quoted as my "condition" i was devastated and i was teased constantly at school because of my sexuality, i tried to committ suicide three times because i feared my life would be hell after i came out, my dad doesnt accept me today because im gay, he tld me that he doesnt want to have a gay son, well that breaks my heart because my dad is my everything and to have him not see, hear , or talk to me was hell to me, i finally tried to hurt myself once more and was almost succesful in doing so, finally my dad realized that and he sent me to fc, well i turned out with 2 gay foster parents! i was excited, i wasnt out to everyone until one day i got the courage to come out to everyone on fb. some of them were xcepting others were not but , yeah i feel that i am excepted at the foster home im in, they are very supportive and amazing. my mom also excepts me , she told me that she wants me to love who i want to love, my mom goes to prides, she lives through me , she loves me for who i am but my dad still doesnt acccept me but im ok with, sometimes it depresses me but others im ok with it, i hope that one day he will learn to love me for who i am , i am glad that i am being exceptted by my best friends and my mom and my foster family, i am happy now, i fell that i can finally live at peace"

A REAL Person (TrevorSpace)

I recently got this group message on TrevorSpace (the LGBTQ teen social network) 


"We wonder why the gay community is not taken Seriously. One reason is because most gay guys will jump on every dick they see even if they are dating someone else. Most gay guys are WHORES!!! Maybe if we all grew up a little then maybe we might get a little more support from some people. PICK ONE DICK AND STICK TO IT!!!


Listen up....all u guys who every time I try to inbox u send me back want nude pics...I'm sick of it so stop period."


and it got me thinking...


Lately I’ve been spending a lot of my time alone in my room, writing, drawing, watching movies and reading. But it’s been difficult to release a lot of my anxiety about through art or text. Talking to someone online even on the deepest level of connection cannot compare to a face to face “real” conversation.

It is hard to maintain a relationship that only exists through pieces of technology, because it is not “real”. It’s insanely difficult, even being a kid in the year 2012 to establish real connection through our technology, because it feels inauthentic.

 How can someone be real if you can’t touch them? Something so out of reach, even in its most realistic forms, is still a very abstract concept that is hard to embrace as “human”.  

Establishing ties and relationships with people on TrevorSpace is a novelty that very quickly wears off. I find it amazing how long distance relationships can actually exist in this world.

How can a relationship in which the opposing parties only exist within pieces of technology remain authentic? If nothing compares to “the real thing” then is it possible for people to ever be satisfied in this situation, even if it’s obviously temporary?

How can we be real even if we aren’t actually present? 

OUR CLOSET DOOR

The Door

Right now my state of consciousness is a complete blur. One half has a sense of forward throttle, while the other struggles to flinch. For some reason or another, my life is always ridden with some sort of anxiety--- or at least it appears to be in every moment that I’m not in a state of complete harmony; a rarity.

My biggest fear is failure; I spend hours every day thinking about it. My fear of failure is what has kept me from writing this for 23 days. Sometimes I feel that what I go through is completely normal and human, but at others I blame it on my dramatic storm and stress personality.

 You could say that I’m a typical teenager--- but why the hell would I ever admit that? Why would I settle for anything typical? I feel like I was born atypical and that my unique qualities must be put to use as devices; capable of progress and change in the world. It is quite obvious to me and my community that society must become more accepting and tolerant of who I am. I will do anything to reach this point.

I feel completely pretentious saying this and I do not have complete confidence in myself, so I feel obligated to tell you about how stupid I feel. However, I know that all of my delusion is very much real to me, and it is important that I be honest about this. It is important to me that I am a soldier for my beliefs; to fight for my individuality and actually do something with my insanity.

 I want to feel important. I do not want to be insignificant now, later, or when I’m dead. I do not want to settle for what is given to me, but rather fight for more, and never surrender. Everything scares me.

Who am I?

A)     A teenager

B)      Gay

C)      A human

D)     A boy

E)      My generation

I am not only myself, but I am also you in many ways. This is not my closet door, but instead

OUR CLOSET DOOR.

It is our dreams, our nightmares, our fears, and our hopes.

Our past, present, and future

OUR CLOSET DOOR